Thursday, January 28, 2010
Woke up in the morning
and my eyes were swollen once again after last week.
There's only one reason to make both my eyes swell like hell.
I didn't like the feeling...at all.
In fact I was thinking of not going to work and just fake a MC for an excuse.
But no,
In the end, I still went and am sitting down, typing this secretly in the office.
Not because of work ethnics, not because of the money.
(okay, partly the money did motivate me to work)
I just
don't want to face her,
don't want to hear her voice
I can still hear her piercing words ringing in my head.
Self esteem has drastically dropped to the bottom.
I feel terrible.
I have questions to ask.
Am I a coward? Am I worthless? Am I stupid?
Guess my procastination kind of irritates her, I suppose so.
I'm not the same old small girl of yours!
I don't need you to decide and control my life.
I need space of my own to breathe
Sometimes maybe I'm just being selfish or what
but I really hope one day I can move out from the house
and rent some room or small flat
no matter how poor or miserable I can be
adding financial burdens to myself, I don't care
and at a certain point of time, When I earned enough money
I will move to a foreign country and study a programme
that I'm extremely interested in, just like Sharon Au.
So carefree, so happy, so relax without any burdens or naggings
Yes, that's actually what I think so
after she mentioned anyway the house that I'm living
is her house, not mine and this is just a shelter for me
before I'm gone to have my own family..
and for now, I can't touch or revamp
my room
because it's not my house.
I'm sooo totally pissed off.
She might as well go adopt some people's daughter as hers
who is willing to accept her as mum (I doubt so)
since all day long, she has been praising them in front of my face
and make me feel like shit
It's not that I'm aimless towards my life
I do have big plans and I really really want to turn them into reality.
and yet how far have I gone?
No, I haven't even started yet!
and yes, my procastination irritates me much, too.
yes, I'm being emo here.
joreen121 at 3:11 PM